You’ve seen this line, or something like it, in nearly every job ad ever published. I’ve seen it so many times that I skip right past it when looking at a job description. However, communication skills really are an important requirement in industry. Poor communicators rarely make it far up the corporate ladder.

After reading Richard Gallagher’s How to Tell Anyone Anything: Breakthrough Techniques for Handling Difficult Conversations at Work (AMACOM 2009), I started thinking about what’s at the core of good interpersonal communication skills. As I read myriad horror stories in this book about communications run afoul, I realized that a lot of managers, especially new managers and early career technical staff, have problems that are rooted in communication difficulties. Like so many other soft skills, communication techniques aren’t taught at the university, and some people never learn them.

Many believe that good communicators are born, not made, but that’s a misconception. In reality, anyone can be a great interpersonal communicator. In this issue’s column, I’ll describe four must-have ingredients for good communication skills. I’ll also include some advice from a conversation I had with Richard Gallagher about how to incorporate those ingredients into your own personal style.

Must-Have #1: A Sense of Self-Worth

Do you remember how you felt when you were interviewing for your first job – a bit timid and uncertain about how to convey your accomplishments? Perhaps you had just come out of a lab where the experiments didn’t always go smoothly and your superiors – for students, that means almost everyone – made you feel very small.

Well, unfortunately some people carry this “small” feeling around with them, even in later stages of their career. This can result in communication with senior co-workers and others of a higher “rank” that is out of kilter from square one. While this can affect your communications in many areas, it can be especially concerning in a job interview, where interviewers expect to hear a mix of accomplishments that derive from both personal as well as team-oriented experiences.

In this situation, the right communication style is to be confident in your own abilities, and give credit to both your team and yourself. Don’t be self-centered, but don’t play down your own individual accomplishments. As Richard Gallagher suggested in our conversation, listen to great politicians, who are often good examples of that delicate balance of taking and sharing credit: “Our party worked as a team to make this law happen, and I was honored to draft it and introduce it.”

Must-Have #2: The Ability to Plan Ahead

Whenever I’ve had communication problems, it has always been because I’ve said whatever came to my mind – delivering emotion instead of a well-crafted message. Obviously, you can’t plan ahead for each and every important conversation you are going to have in your life, but there are certain key discussions that you know are coming. If you are like me, with a tendency to shoot from the hip, then sit down and think ahead about your communication goals.

Here’s an example: If you have a pending annual review to discuss last year’s progress, do your homework on the full range of your efforts and accomplishments. Then plan out the points you want to get across – perhaps those that show the relationship between the progress your projects have made and what you have brought to the table.

Planning ahead at work doesn’t have to be all that difficult. As Mr. Gallagher told me, “The mechanics of good communication are best worked out ahead of time . . . with a pencil and paper.”

Must-Have #3: Consideration for the Other Party’s Needs

In his book, Mr. Gallagher suggests that you remember, “It’s all about them,” before you even open your mouth. I called him to talk about this point, and he reminded me of something another famous trainer said about the subject.

He remarked, “Zig Ziglar once said, ‘You can get anything you want if you help enough people get what they want.’ The corollary in communications skills is that if you get in the habit of acknowledging people – every time they open their mouth – you are paving the way for people to listen with rapt attention to whatever you have to say.”

Being acknowledged is need #1 for most of us. Acknowledgement can take the form of observation (“I can see you are upset about this”), validation (“Most people would be upset about this”), or identification (“I would be upset about this too”). “Acknowledging another is making it clear that you understand how that person sees the world, and that it is safe to talk about it,” Mr. Gallagher told me. Obviously, sincerity is the key here, because there is a fine line between a genuine response and one that comes across as patronizing.

Mr. Gallagher believes this is one of the most powerful and underutilized techniques in communication. Most arguments happen because people are trying to convince each other to see their view of the world. What How to Tell Anyone Anything taught me is that if you make it clear that you do understand another person’s view of the world, there is usually very little to argue about, even if you disagree.

This communication technique is a simple courtesy to acknowledge that you’ve heard and understand a person’s feelings. It is not the same as agreeing with someone, nor is it phony and artificial when you are sincere. It is simply part of being an active listener.

Must-Have #4: Seek the Neutral Zone

One of the secrets of being a powerful and convincing communicator is being able to step into what Mr. Gallagher calls “the neutral zone” when you communicate. Let’s face it – there are some loaded questions that come up for an entry-level manager. For example: How do I deal with this person who has the talent to do the job, but who appears to not want to put any effort into it? How do I manage to tell this woman that her work is acceptable but her personal habits are distracting to my team? How do I step in and settle disputes between my employees?

When I talked with Mr. Gallagher, I asked him how to step into the neutral zone with something as hot as negotiating first author status on a corporate white paper. He would opt for finding some starting ground that is totally neutral, which can often be overlooked when emotions are running high. While it’s true that you’ll be in big trouble if you lay down your weapons while everyone else is still firing, the key is to draw everyone into the neutral zone where you can have a dispassionate, rational discussion.

“Let’s say that you have three people who would like to be first author on an important paper going into an industry journal. First, look at what are the safe and unsafe parts of the discussion. ‘Here is why I should be first,’ is pretty unsafe, while, ‘Let’s all put our contributions on the table so we can decide this fairly,’ is a lot safer. My suggestion is to always seek a neutral opening that is on topic and that gets the other person talking,” he said.

Remember that an important part of this process is validating what the other person had to say – and vocally accepting their feelings as valid. When your colleague says, “My work on this paper was really important,” acknowledging its importance gives you more power, not less, as you present your own case.

When You Can’t Plan Ahead

Difficult communications scenarios can come at you at 80 miles an hour. In those situations, it’s just not possible to have your communication goals planned and ready. However, you can still acknowledge the other party’s viewpoint, and work to find the neutral zone to avoid an argument.

Most importantly to technically trained staff, remember that communication flows most effectively when you are at the same level as those you are communicating with. If you think of yourself as beneath that person, your communication flow is “uphill” and far less effective. Even when communicating with a senior level person, maintain your sense of self-worth, choose your words carefully, and be an active listener. If a conversation didn’t go as you would have liked, review it in your mind and think of what you’ll do differently next time. Even those purported “born communicators” need practice now and again.

David G. Jensen is the founder and chief executive officer of CTI Executive Search, a unit of CareerTrax Inc. (Sedona, AZ). CTI is a leading recruiting firm in the biosciences. You can reach Dave at (928) 282-5366.